My New Blog: What a gay wants

What a gay wants

Fresh start

I honestly don't know if this is a return. Perhaps I should create a new blog, since Fixing My Life just doesn't cut it from me. This blogs helped at the worst time of my life, when I felt so lonely. Now I just need a fresh start, since so much has happened. I need a new blog.

Point of situation

My relationship with this blog is complicated. It almost seems that when things improve, I just wanna get away from it. I know, it's bad for the ones who enjoy reading me, so I'll try to correct that. So, about my day... Work all morning and I've been answering to a couple e-mails that readers sent me and now I'm going to the cinema and then I have a dinner with some very cool and a bit weird friends. But what I'm really looking for is Saturday. Finally I'll meet a guy that I've been chatting with for almost one month - a friend of a friend of mine. Really cool guy. It's been months since I met someone, so, let's see how it goes.

Anguish

Two dark omens. The pieces start to fall... One by one, all the fears are unleashed. You're alone and all you're left with is your emptiness and sadness.

Break from holidays

It's pretty funny, but now that I'm on holidays it seems I have fewer time to spend here than I used to have when I was working on a daily basis. Well, let's cut to the chase. Big moments from these past months? Hum, dunno. Maybe finally entering in a gay disco, and damn, what an experience that was... Besides that, not much stuff I guess. I'm still alone and more skeptic than ever of meeting someone special and in a few weeks I'll have to spend Christmas with my family. It maybe my last one, since in January I'll be financially independent. Let's see...

And I'm back

Yes, it's true. I'm back to this blog. For these past months I've been away. I'm sorry for those who stopped by and didn't find anything to read. Why was this blog silent? Well, first of all I was on a tough spot due to my studies for these past weeks. And second, hum, there is no second. I imagined that I wouldn't have much to tell, but little things did happened. I hope I can tell most of them in the next days.

Now I'm more free to write and to get back on my daily life. Take care all of you.

And

I'll be back next week.

And death will be no more, death thou shalt die

I spent 6 days in London. It was a wonderful time, just loved the city. I didn't feel so good with myself in a while, at peace with me.

I arrived, started gearing up for a big decision in my life, working towards that, something that will take months and it will require much concentration, strength and study to achieve it.

Unfortunately, you want to focus just on your work and rely on your calm and supportive personal life. When you don't have it, you at least focus on just calm life and forget everything else. However, problems have a way to find you, to haunt you down, you can't escape them. Karma is a bitch. When it gets you, it gets you at the fucking worse time of your life.

I thought about leaving this blog with the picture of London, since I was spending these months at home, studying with nothing to tell. I don't think I can.

I created this blog at specially difficult moment of my life, as you may remember. Again, I'm facing a new challenge. There's differences now, from then. Then I didn't have any friends who I could tell what was going on my life, now is different. But one thing is the same, I must face the problems alone and figure out my life for myself. There is just no other way.

It's been a long time since I felt sentimental. Ironically, it happens when I wanted to box as much emotions as possible to focus on my work and studies. What can I do? Fixing our lives can be as much hard as fixing your soul. It requires a lonely and long work. There will be scars that will persist forever, parts of your soul that will never know the true meaning of the word happiness.

I don't know what life reserves for me. I am privileged to have seen what I have in this short and ephemerous life. Only God knows, what lays ahead for me. For now, I can only think and decide what to do, despite knowing that either way things won't be easy and that ultimately, my work will be compromised. There's no turning back however. I will have a crappy night. A miserable night. Maybe my soul will be washed, but I hope tomorrow will be a new day. Even if the problems won't go away, even if they get worse, I'll still be here, I hope, fighting another day, supported by my favorite poetry line ever: And death shall be no more, death thou shalt die.

Tomorrow

London

Cody

I'm a Lawful Neutral

Called the "Judge" or "Disciplined" alignment, a lawful neutral character typically believes strongly in Lawful concepts such as honor, order, rules and tradition, and often follows a personal code. A lawful neutral society would typically enforce strict laws to maintain social order, and place a high value on traditions and historical precedent. Examples of lawful neutral characters might include a soldier who always follows orders, a judge or enforcer that adheres mercilessly to the word of the law, or a disciplined monk. Characters of this alignment are neutral with regard to good and evil. This does not mean that lawful neutral characters are amoral or immoral, or do not have a moral compass; but simply that their moral considerations come a distant second to what their code, tradition or law dictates. They typically have a strong ethical code, but it is primarily guided by their system of belief, not by a commitment to good or evil. James Bond is a commonly cited lawful neutral character.

Random Thoughts

I live constantly under two Gods, two extreme poles. Both seek aggressively the control of my will and actions. The irrational, tense and sexual pole and the over rational and skeptical pole of life. Where are the moderates when I need them...

Random Thoughts

After so many years studying the finish line is already in the horizon. Instead of the joy of the end is close, the terror of what's ahead and the good things we leave behind suddenly are erupting violently.

Random Thoughts

Sometimes you just know you will regret it in the next morning. It's as clear as a blue sky. You know that sleeping with that guy will end badly, after an incredible night of sex, but you know you can't avoid it. It's a matter of time before it happens. How do you prepare meanwhile?

Random Thoughts

How is it possible to be really interested in a person after just two dates? Seriously, people are so desperate these days for a relationship. And people call me freak... Please...

Låt den rätte komma in

Terminator

The best thing about Terminator Salvation was again the cute cyborg. Although I enjoy in general Christian Bale roles, he doesn't quite pulls this one off. I'm not a Terminator fan, but the movie does poorly in terms of getting a good story. Sure it has nice special effects, but other than that... (only Sam Worthington).

Tonight, movie night

Yeah....

Karen Walker: Lord. Would you look at these people. Why anybody would choose to be homeless is beyond me.
Jack McFarland: Karen, nobody chooses to be homeless. It's because they did something bad.

Psycho Magnet

Seriously? Maybe.

The problem of a six-pack

I must confess that I couldn't resist but to smile when I read these recent comments on my post about Rep. Aaron Schock six pack. I don't know what's worse for them: If I like him because he's just hot or because I support his policies. Maybe it's just because there aren't any smart, hot democrats in congress nowadays, who knows... And I must add, be glad I don't discuss politics on this blog, you may realize that on some subjects, I can have, how to put it, a strong opinion...

Back?

This blog has been blank for a few days, due to the huge amount of work that I have. I'm a bit better now, so I think I'll be able to slowly return.

Latin Sea

Lars Von Trier - Antichrist

What lies in the shadow of the statue?

Ille qui nos omnes servabit.

Greek

Black & White

Fire

"(...) Amidst so much death there was a need to assert the flame of their lives. For them both, it was a miracle to explore each other's body by touch."

Work overload

Work overload, work overload and work overload.

Week

I managed to reach Friday, exhausted of course, but I did manage it. But everything remains the same. Next week, is another round full of work. I already have a headache only imagining it.

This week, besides work I can only tell about my dinner with my friend the intern and his boyfriend. It was really nice, they're a great couple. And they managed to distract me from the terrible work I was having.

Crazy Life

I can't even describe the week I'm having. So much work. I don't know if I'll be able to reach the deadlines until Friday. I hope so. Sorry guys, but I'm overloaded now. As soon as I have some free time to spare, I'll be back.

The world is not enough

It just popped in my head

Fuckability scale. I must explore this new tool.

I want to play a game

My only "relationship" fell apart because I felt bored and sick of all that stuff (besides not being really into him and other things...), but I realize that if I enter a new one now, the same thing can happen again. Why? Because I don't want a relationship, I want a sequence of games. I enjoy the thrill of the chase and not the maintenance of the prize. I'm the jigsaw of relationships. I try to advise people that I'm not a recommendable person for a boyfriend and I'm not kidding when I say this.

My friend the intern and this blog

My good friend the intern is a daily reader of this blog, but he choses to never talk about this subject with me. In part, I must thank him. It makes it much easier to me to write in here. And by the way, I'm still waiting for his invitation to meet him and your plus one. Obviously will the a big moment for me and I will have to share it here.

Oh, and by the way. I need to correct an information. His boyfriend is actually quite fit and he found it really amusing my overweight guess. It wasn't a nice moment for me, but he assured me he's not upset, and I believe him obviously.

One small step or one giant mistake

After some homework, I managed to discover the nurse Facebook. I debated if I should add him or not. Ultimately, I had no choice but to add him. I'm just human.

Death

Yesterday as I walked home, I kept thinking about death. Not only in death, as in the process of someone passing away, but all implications and events that lead to. I thought in particular in suicide. How bad things must be to a person start to contemplate that solution?

Awful

In the same day of hot nurse, I decided to meet a new guy. Awful, just awful. He was too old for me, not cute, too queer for my taste, the things that came out of his mouth were just unbelievable and I was dying to get out of there.

But well, these really bad experiences are also important I guess. Almost therapeutical, I would say.

Locker room

The nurse. I met him this week, in the locker room. I was dressing and he was undressing. I only saw his back, but boy, I even blushed. Can't remember the last time that happened. We didn't say any words (how could I anyway), but well, it was quite a moment. It's already in my nice memories chapters. Hope it's not the last one.

The week

It was a busy week. Full of work but with interesting things as well. I met someone, but I'll talk about that awful moment later and I created a bit of an obsession, a healthy one I guess. But I'll explain in a while.