Fixing My Life

My New Blog: What a gay wants

2010-10-13T15:01:00.000-07:00

Fresh start

2010-10-09T11:45:00.000-07:00

I honestly don't know if this is a return. Perhaps I should create a new blog, since Fixing My Life just doesn't cut it from me. This blogs helped at the worst time of my life, when I felt so lonely. Now I just need a fresh start, since so much has happened. I need a new blog.

Point of situation

2010-02-02T08:45:00.000-08:00

My relationship with this blog is complicated. It almost seems that when things improve, I just wanna get away from it. I know, it's bad for the ones who enjoy reading me, so I'll try to correct that. So, about my day... Work all morning and I've been answering to a couple e-mails that readers sent me and now I'm going to the cinema and then I have a dinner with some very cool and a bit weird friends. But what I'm really looking for is Saturday. Finally I'll meet a guy that I've been chatting with for almost one month - a friend of a friend of mine. Really cool guy. It's been months since I met someone, so, let's see how it goes.

Anguish

2010-01-26T15:54:00.001-08:00

Two dark omens. The pieces start to fall... One by one, all the fears are unleashed. You're alone and all you're left with is your emptiness and sadness.

Break from holidays

2009-12-02T08:34:00.000-08:00

It's pretty funny, but now that I'm on holidays it seems I have fewer time to spend here than I used to have when I was working on a daily basis. Well, let's cut to the chase. Big moments from these past months? Hum, dunno. Maybe finally entering in a gay disco, and damn, what an experience that was... Besides that, not much stuff I guess. I'm still alone and more skeptic than ever of meeting someone special and in a few weeks I'll have to spend Christmas with my family. It maybe my last one, since in January I'll be financially independent. Let's see...

And I'm back

2009-11-20T14:19:00.001-08:00

Yes, it's true. I'm back to this blog. For these past months I've been away. I'm sorry for those who stopped by and didn't find anything to read. Why was this blog silent? Well, first of all I was on a tough spot due to my studies for these past weeks. And second, hum, there is no second. I imagined that I wouldn't have much to tell, but little things did happened. I hope I can tell most of them in the next days.

Now I'm more free to write and to get back on my daily life. Take care all of you.

And

2009-11-10T01:24:00.000-08:00

I'll be back next week.

And death will be no more, death thou shalt die

2009-07-28T12:17:00.000-07:00

I spent 6 days in London. It was a wonderful time, just loved the city. I didn't feel so good with myself in a while, at peace with me.

I arrived, started gearing up for a big decision in my life, working towards that, something that will take months and it will require much concentration, strength and study to achieve it.

Unfortunately, you want to focus just on your work and rely on your calm and supportive personal life. When you don't have it, you at least focus on just calm life and forget everything else. However, problems have a way to find you, to haunt you down, you can't escape them. Karma is a bitch. When it gets you, it gets you at the fucking worse time of your life.

I thought about leaving this blog with the picture of London, since I was spending these months at home, studying with nothing to tell. I don't think I can.

I created this blog at specially difficult moment of my life, as you may remember. Again, I'm facing a new challenge. There's differences now, from then. Then I didn't have any friends who I could tell what was going on my life, now is different. But one thing is the same, I must face the problems alone and figure out my life for myself. There is just no other way.

It's been a long time since I felt sentimental. Ironically, it happens when I wanted to box as much emotions as possible to focus on my work and studies. What can I do? Fixing our lives can be as much hard as fixing your soul. It requires a lonely and long work. There will be scars that will persist forever, parts of your soul that will never know the true meaning of the word happiness.

I don't know what life reserves for me. I am privileged to have seen what I have in this short and ephemerous life. Only God knows, what lays ahead for me. For now, I can only think and decide what to do, despite knowing that either way things won't be easy and that ultimately, my work will be compromised. There's no turning back however. I will have a crappy night. A miserable night. Maybe my soul will be washed, but I hope tomorrow will be a new day. Even if the problems won't go away, even if they get worse, I'll still be here, I hope, fighting another day, supported by my favorite poetry line ever: And death shall be no more, death thou shalt die.

Tomorrow

2009-07-07T09:17:00.000-07:00

London

Cody

2009-07-07T09:15:00.001-07:00

I'm a Lawful Neutral

2009-06-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

Called the "Judge" or "Disciplined" alignment, a lawful neutral character typically believes strongly in Lawful concepts such as honor, order, rules and tradition, and often follows a personal code. A lawful neutral society would typically enforce strict laws to maintain social order, and place a high value on traditions and historical precedent. Examples of lawful neutral characters might include a soldier who always follows orders, a judge or enforcer that adheres mercilessly to the word of the law, or a disciplined monk. Characters of this alignment are neutral with regard to good and evil. This does not mean that lawful neutral characters are amoral or immoral, or do not have a moral compass; but simply that their moral considerations come a distant second to what their code, tradition or law dictates. They typically have a strong ethical code, but it is primarily guided by their system of belief, not by a commitment to good or evil. James Bond is a commonly cited lawful neutral character.

Random Thoughts

2009-06-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

I live constantly under two Gods, two extreme poles. Both seek aggressively the control of my will and actions. The irrational, tense and sexual pole and the over rational and skeptical pole of life. Where are the moderates when I need them...

Random Thoughts

2009-06-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

After so many years studying the finish line is already in the horizon. Instead of the joy of the end is close, the terror of what's ahead and the good things we leave behind suddenly are erupting violently.

Random Thoughts

2009-06-16T06:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just know you will regret it in the next morning. It's as clear as a blue sky. You know that sleeping with that guy will end badly, after an incredible night of sex, but you know you can't avoid it. It's a matter of time before it happens. How do you prepare meanwhile?

Random Thoughts

2009-06-16T06:34:00.000-07:00

How is it possible to be really interested in a person after just two dates? Seriously, people are so desperate these days for a relationship. And people call me freak... Please...

Låt den rätte komma in

2009-06-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

Terminator

2009-06-04T17:22:00.002-07:00

The best thing about Terminator Salvation was again the cute cyborg. Although I enjoy in general Christian Bale roles, he doesn't quite pulls this one off. I'm not a Terminator fan, but the movie does poorly in terms of getting a good story. Sure it has nice special effects, but other than that... (only Sam Worthington).

Tonight, movie night

2009-06-04T17:22:00.001-07:00

Yeah....

2009-06-02T17:41:00.001-07:00

Karen Walker: Lord. Would you look at these people. Why anybody would choose to be homeless is beyond me.
Jack McFarland: Karen, nobody chooses to be homeless. It's because they did something bad.

Psycho Magnet

2009-06-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

Seriously? Maybe.

The problem of a six-pack

2009-05-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

I must confess that I couldn't resist but to smile when I read these recent comments on my post about Rep. Aaron Schock six pack. I don't know what's worse for them: If I like him because he's just hot or because I support his policies. Maybe it's just because there aren't any smart, hot democrats in congress nowadays, who knows... And I must add, be glad I don't discuss politics on this blog, you may realize that on some subjects, I can have, how to put it, a strong opinion...

Back?

2009-05-29T10:49:00.000-07:00

This blog has been blank for a few days, due to the huge amount of work that I have. I'm a bit better now, so I think I'll be able to slowly return.

Latin Sea

2009-05-21T16:12:00.001-07:00

Lars Von Trier - Antichrist

2009-05-18T12:51:00.000-07:00

What lies in the shadow of the statue?

2009-05-17T16:56:00.001-07:00

Ille qui nos omnes servabit.

Greek

2009-05-16T19:15:00.001-07:00

Black & White

2009-05-12T16:05:00.000-07:00

Fire

2009-05-11T10:42:00.000-07:00

"(...) Amidst so much death there was a need to assert the flame of their lives. For them both, it was a miracle to explore each other's body by touch."

Work overload

2009-05-09T16:30:00.001-07:00

Work overload, work overload and work overload.

Week

2009-05-09T16:27:00.000-07:00

I managed to reach Friday, exhausted of course, but I did manage it. But everything remains the same. Next week, is another round full of work. I already have a headache only imagining it.

This week, besides work I can only tell about my dinner with my friend the intern and his boyfriend. It was really nice, they're a great couple. And they managed to distract me from the terrible work I was having.

Crazy Life

2009-05-05T15:22:00.000-07:00

I can't even describe the week I'm having. So much work. I don't know if I'll be able to reach the deadlines until Friday. I hope so. Sorry guys, but I'm overloaded now. As soon as I have some free time to spare, I'll be back.

The world is not enough

2009-05-02T14:36:00.000-07:00

It just popped in my head

2009-05-01T15:55:00.001-07:00

Fuckability scale. I must explore this new tool.

I want to play a game

2009-05-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

My only "relationship" fell apart because I felt bored and sick of all that stuff (besides not being really into him and other things...), but I realize that if I enter a new one now, the same thing can happen again. Why? Because I don't want a relationship, I want a sequence of games. I enjoy the thrill of the chase and not the maintenance of the prize. I'm the jigsaw of relationships. I try to advise people that I'm not a recommendable person for a boyfriend and I'm not kidding when I say this.

My friend the intern and this blog

2009-05-01T15:37:00.000-07:00

My good friend the intern is a daily reader of this blog, but he choses to never talk about this subject with me. In part, I must thank him. It makes it much easier to me to write in here. And by the way, I'm still waiting for his invitation to meet him and your plus one. Obviously will the a big moment for me and I will have to share it here.

Oh, and by the way. I need to correct an information. His boyfriend is actually quite fit and he found it really amusing my overweight guess. It wasn't a nice moment for me, but he assured me he's not upset, and I believe him obviously.

One small step or one giant mistake

2009-05-01T15:35:00.001-07:00

After some homework, I managed to discover the nurse Facebook. I debated if I should add him or not. Ultimately, I had no choice but to add him. I'm just human.

Death

2009-05-01T15:32:00.001-07:00

Yesterday as I walked home, I kept thinking about death. Not only in death, as in the process of someone passing away, but all implications and events that lead to. I thought in particular in suicide. How bad things must be to a person start to contemplate that solution?

Awful

2009-05-01T15:29:00.001-07:00

In the same day of hot nurse, I decided to meet a new guy. Awful, just awful. He was too old for me, not cute, too queer for my taste, the things that came out of his mouth were just unbelievable and I was dying to get out of there.

But well, these really bad experiences are also important I guess. Almost therapeutical, I would say.

Locker room

2009-05-01T15:26:00.000-07:00

The nurse. I met him this week, in the locker room. I was dressing and he was undressing. I only saw his back, but boy, I even blushed. Can't remember the last time that happened. We didn't say any words (how could I anyway), but well, it was quite a moment. It's already in my nice memories chapters. Hope it's not the last one.

The week

2009-05-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

It was a busy week. Full of work but with interesting things as well. I met someone, but I'll talk about that awful moment later and I created a bit of an obsession, a healthy one I guess. But I'll explain in a while.

And at last

2009-04-27T16:13:00.000-07:00

I'm about to watch the season finale of Battlestar Galactica.

Maybe... (2)

2009-04-27T09:20:00.002-07:00

And tomorrow is my OR day. Cute nurse is needed so I can have a pleasant afternoon. Did I say pleasant? No, I meant something else...

Maybe...

2009-04-27T09:20:00.001-07:00

And tomorrow, it's possible that I have some new developments. We'll see.

About Peter

2009-04-27T09:18:00.001-07:00

I added him on my MSN but I'll do every thing I can so I won't talk to him. I honestly don't want to talk to him, I don't wanna know has he been. I just want to be left alone, no more stuff with him.

The International

2009-04-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

The only good thing about the movie is really Clive Owen. Yeah, my type.

Caught by surprise

2009-04-23T16:41:00.000-07:00

After almost one year and 6 months without any contact, Peter sent me a text message by gaydar. I was caught completely off guard.

Hot

2009-04-21T17:11:00.000-07:00

Today was OR day and I'm pretty tired so let me cut to the chase.

The male nurse in the OR seemed rather healthy. Really healthy I might add. I can't imagine how many hours of gym to have that body. And cute, I can add. And what about those glasses? Is that a gay vibe from the glasses I picking, maybe?

Focus on the surgery, don't stare at him. He's looking at you, don't look back. The surgeon asks you to cut a wire, focus, focus. He's crossing the OR behind you, ignore it. Damn it's hot in the OR and he's right next to you trying to look at what you're doing. Just focus on the surgery. Damn he's cute and hot. Focus Mike, focus. Damn it's hot in the OR, those damn lights... And the damn nurse.

I'm almost over. What if he goes to the dressing room at the same time as me? Damn, it would be great. "Hey, it was hot in the OR, don't you think?", as I throw away my scrubs, transpiring from all my pores. Stop Mike day dreaming, surgery isn't over. Focus. What? It's over. Well, goodbye people. Leave the OR, and exchange last look hot look between us. He also looked. Interested? Will I see him again? Damn it was hot. I hope so.

Prince Charming?

2009-04-19T08:15:00.000-07:00

"You like his company and that's enough to enter a relation?", I asked astonished to newspaper guy. "C'mon Mike, there is no prince charming, it's about time for you to realize that. Enjoy the other person company, enjoying being with her is the bottom line", he replied.

The intern says I'm a complicated person, specially in this sort of thing. I already knew that, obviously. But it never stops to amaze me how I'm so not into this whole spectrum of life.

I'm destined to be a bachelor, a workaholic bachelor. And I have no hard feelings, seriously. I kinda like it. At least now.

Older guys

2009-04-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

I think I already said that I'm more into older guys. I'm not saying that I don't feel attracted or interested in guys of my age, but I don't know, older guys have another appeal. My good friend intern is always pushing me to know about an older guy who I have been chatting with in the past two weeks (very little, I must say, since my new surgical rotation doesn't give me much free time). Yes, he is cute and has somethings interesting stuff, but other than that...

Today, newspaper guy approaches me to know my opinion on older guys. I was a bit surprised, obviously. It turns out he has a new boyfriend. An older one, that is. He still has some doubts about him and it seems it's not official yet, they're still on transition, but I found it quite curious that after this week, this sort of thing happened. More on NG boyfriend as I have more info.

I wanna throw a toga party! I just have a thing with togas! Seriously...

2009-04-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

This night will be Supernatural

2009-04-18T18:17:00.001-07:00

What character am I?

2009-04-18T17:41:00.000-07:00

Mike took the What character of 'How I Met Your Mother' are you? quiz and the result is "ROBIN"

You are the career-focussed, ambitious types. For you your goals and ambitions come before relationships and friends. You have a stylish, confident, friendly, and magnetic personality. You are sincere in friendship but when it comes to love you are completely commitment-phobic. You love adventure, thrills and enjoy rough games and sports. You're aggressive and persuasive. You're dressing sense is stylish, smart and very sophisticated.

(I love Scherbatsky! One of my favorite characters, if not the one. Barney is Barney, obviously. But I guess I have some certain things in common with her.)

Mike took the Which LOST charater are you? quiz and the result is Kate

You are strong and free-willed. you are desirable and confident. you yearn to forgive and forget but usually don't.

(Well, hello frackles. Sorry, I would prefered Benjamin Linus. He's so interesting and twisted!)

Mike completed the quiz "What Grey's Anatomy character are you?" with the result You are Alex Karev!.

You are eager and competitive at heart. You're not that great with relationships, but you know a great person when you see one. You have great intelligence ans Skill, but you can be self-absorbed and overconfident at times. You have a hard time dealing with emotional people, and can never decide what to say or do..

(My favorite character is Yang, but I did like this description)

Mike completed the quiz "What Lord of the Rings Character are you?" with the result Aragorn.

You are Aragorn, expert tracker, long hidden hope of the free-world, destined to inherit your kingdom. You engender loyalty, members of both sexes hang around you, and you have *excellent* hair!

(Well, maybe too epic for me, but true, this is the Lord of the Rings)

Mike took the what supernatural character are you? quiz and the result is john winchester (jeffrey dean morgan)

You are a strong role model for those round you. you have some issues but don't let them get the better of you or affect the choices you make. you will do anything to protect your family.

(Well, almost all of Supernatural characters are good, and I do like John character, but I was expecting something else. Perhaps, Castiel isn't yet in the characters...)

People should really read the labels. Or maybe they do and still...

2009-04-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

Almost six hours in the ER because of this.

Seriously.

24

2009-04-18T15:24:00.000-07:00

I slept almost 10 hours after arriving of my 24h on call. A couple of interesting and funny things happened. It's not like grey's anatomy, but it sure does have a lot of anatomy involved...

Six-Pack

2009-04-16T09:18:00.000-07:00

I just arrived home after a 24h on ER (3 of them in the OR) + 6h. I'm exhausted, but well, I had a nice surprise. Well, I'm not following much tv nowadays, so Alan was kind enough to remind me that my favorite congressman was on the Colbert Report. He was so cute, as always, and his six pack abs are already being discussed. Boy, he sure is my type. Again, if anyone can put me in contact with Congressman Schock, please let me now. It's a matter of public service...

Nip/Tuck

2009-04-16T08:59:00.000-07:00

At 1 am I scrubbed in with a plastic surgeon. I'm the new Sloan of my surgical team. For at least two and a half hours.

Break

2009-04-14T12:58:00.000-07:00

I'm terribly sorry, but my life is so busy now. I'm doing surgery now and I thought it would be like Greys' Anatomy, but is more, tired anatomy. Tomorrow I'm on call 24h. See you on sunday, I hope.

Terror?

2009-04-11T17:02:00.001-07:00

I'm terrible, I really am. Mean sometimes, even to those that seem nice but I think they're boring, so, bye. It's just my thing, what can I do.

By the way, I know I have some e-mails to answer, I'll try to get on that tomorrow...

Always looking to the bright side

2009-04-11T07:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I thank those who send me their opinions, but bottom line, I trust the intern and I'm also pretty confident that I'll be able to continue to write what crosses my mind, even if it's insane and potentially embarrassing. Besides, he seemed pretty happy to be able to finally get a look at this blog. Right I?

About my life, hum, not much happening. The flat is still insane. Mexican guy doesn't do anything, my flatmate and his girlfriend went to his folks house this weekend and my cousin is desperate to go to the sex shop in front of my apartment (remember my post when it opened?). Me, I think I have a sore throat and this can evolute to a cold. Hope not, specially when I'm about to start my surgery rotation on Monday and I need to be at my best. Well, we'll see.

And look at the bright side, now all you guys can comment directly at him. And maybe he can even answer.

I honestly don't know...

2009-04-10T10:36:00.000-07:00

I've been talking a lot with the intern. What can I say, we really like each other company! Last week, I kinda slipped that I had a blog where I told some stuff about me and so on. He's been pressing me to reveal him the blog, specially after I shared with him some cool comments. But, I honestly don't know if it's a good idea...

Insane?

2009-04-08T15:54:00.000-07:00

I just spent 12 hours in the OR with the intern and I had to endure a dinner and conversation here at home, with 8 people. I'm so tired, but tomorrow won't get better. I'm on call in the ER for twelve hours and as soon as I arrive home, we're going all out. Is this insane? Maybe just a bit....

Priceless, just priceless

2009-04-07T17:42:00.000-07:00

And he ended up telling me his most wanted sexual fantasy. I must say, in this line of work we hear pretty crazy stuff, but what he told me is priceless. I laughed uncontrollably, only God knows for how long...

It just came up...

2009-04-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

I discussed today with the intern the most unusual places we already had sex.

Full House

2009-04-06T18:23:00.001-07:00

My roommate and his girlfriend arrived today. Mexican guy is still in the house. My cousin arrived today and will spend the next two weeks with us. Jeez, suddenly there's a lot of people at loose in the apartment.

And for a change, I'm tired. I'll try to answer the comments tomorrow.

The reason (2)

2009-04-05T09:16:00.000-07:00

It was a few weeks ago, when I was talking to newspaper guy about some cute guy in the hospital, and then telling him, sadly I might add, that unfortunately he wasn't too bright. NG, however, said immediately that he was his type of guy then, if he wasn't that smart. I laughed, because I thought it was rather funny. Then this week, I was talking to him and joking that I might ask to my friend the intern, to fix me up with a cute gay friend of his. He replied, with good humor, that he could also try to find someone to him. I joked: "Yeah, I already know your type. It can't be too smart, right?". He smiled and said: "Yeah, right. That and cute like Matt Damon." I laughed and he continued. "Seriously, I don't know why is that. Probably a shrink can explain why this happens to me, but if I meet an intelligent guy, I can only be friends with him". I stooped laughing and told him: "Well, if you think about it, probably you can understand the reason for that". He replied quickly: "Well, I don't wanna think about it. I may get scared of the answer" he added with a smile.

Ok, so now you think I'm being presumptuous, assuming that I think I'm smart hence, he couldn't have something with me. Yes, it's possible, obviously, that another reason is the one. But after knowing him for a few months, knowing how he likes to have my opinion on his work, I can't stop to wonder that it's likely that my little grey cells could contribute to that. Well, the truth is we probably wouldn't connect anyway, I can see that now, so, thank you brain.

It seems that

2009-04-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

Newspaper Guy doesn't feel attracted to smart, intelligent people.

The reason

2009-04-04T16:05:00.000-07:00

Did I ever shared in this blog, the reason why newspaper guy was never interested in me besides friendship? It was something that was killing me a few months ago, as you can remember, and finally I understood what was it. He gave me a clue a few weeks ago, but today I received the confirmation. It's a rather curious thing. I would never guessed.

Lunch?

2009-04-04T15:18:00.000-07:00

The intern invited me to have lunch with him and his boyfriend yesterday. I politely declined.

First, I must be honest that I was a bit freaked out with the whole me and a gay couple thing.

Second, I have the impression that they don't see each other as often as they like, so I think those moments are supposed to be only between them. They need that.

Third, he seemed to invite me more on the "don't have lunch alone" than really having his boyfriend meeting me. I think. I can be wrong, obviously.

A few things about my week

2009-04-02T14:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, the work seems to never end, but I'm gonna take a break to update you on my week:

- Mexican Guy is a friend of my roommate who is gonna work in this town for the next 6 months and is still looking for an apartment. So, meanwhile he's gonna stay here. Apparently he is gay, and I say this because of a conversation I heard between my roommate and his girlfriend. But I'm not quite sure. He's a cool guy, although with a bit weird clothes. I'm already practicing my Spanish, so that's a good thing. But I'm not feeling a gay vibe from him, I'm honest. Perhaps a bi curious vibe, who knows. More on Mexican guy in the following days...

- All week I've been hanging out with the intern. We're the only ones in the pediatrics department currently in the surgery section, so we're like inseparable now at the hospital. He's a cool guy and we are always laughing. He laughs way more than me, since he finds my reactions and face expressions apparently hilarious. Yesterday, he gave me a ride home, and discussed... penises... Yes, seriously. Well, after 12 hours of inumerous surgeries, three of them on penises (and one of them awful, I won't describe what the surgeons made to that little kid's penis - by the way, the intern was feeling nauseous on that one, it was so funny to watch him and the nurses worrying about him). But well, it was different... Couldn't find much about his boyfriend though. It seems he's also a bit overweight like the intern, but other than that, nothing.

- I lost count on the number of surgeries I scrubbed in this week. I gotta say it, I missed this a lot. And when you have cool surgeons with you, it's great. I'm like Yang from Grey's Anatomy.

So tired...

2009-04-01T15:30:00.001-07:00

I just spent my last 12 hours in the OR with the intern and two surgeons. I'm so tired (and so is he, obviously) He gave me a ride home just a few minutes ago. We had some interesting and funny conversations but it will have to wait until tomorrow. I noticed that I also have some e-mails in waiting in my inbox but I honestly can't do reply now. And I still need to tell about the gay mexican guy living in the apartment. Jeez, I need time and I'm really tired.

Full Day!

2009-03-31T17:48:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I had such a full day with so many things going on around me. It reached insanity levels! I don't have the time to tell about it, but as soon as I have an opening I'll try to. And by the way, a gay mexican guy is living in our flat.

OR

2009-03-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

I spent the entire morning in the OR watching a surgery with the intern. Finally! I already missed the OR so much.

500th post

2009-03-30T16:42:00.000-07:00

I think it's a nice time to tell that this month, this blog had an incredible surge in visits. I honestly don't know why, but as today it already surpassed the 5 500 visits this month. Well, nevertheless, is nice I guess.

Reviewing past conversations can be quite funny

2009-03-29T15:58:00.000-07:00

It's weird and a bit freighting how can we have such a normal conversation about gay stuff, just two days after the talk (yesterday we both were busy, so technically one day). It was funny to discuss our past conversations, noticing that you were right when you thought that certain expressions were clues, something that he said to watch how my reaction would be.

He never was sure about me how I was about him. Even Friday, after he told me about him, he wasn't sure and it was difficult to him to say it to me. But now, after a couple of hours of a very funny conversation I must say that it feels good. He has a boyfriend (a relation of 2 years and half long) and got a gayvibe from me, but couldn't say what it was or be sure about it, hence the expressions to see my reaction. Well, I could tell much more but bottom line, I'm not so worried of tomorrow. And that's good, I guess.

It just happened

2009-03-29T12:47:00.001-07:00

I didn't need a fancy conversation. It was something simple, a subtle sentence and he got the green light confirming what he already knew about me. It was a regular conversation, not much that special. He asked me a couple of questions and I told him about my story. He thanked the trust I put on him, to tell him the story and he said he was sorry for what happened. I replied that it wasn't necessary, things are what they are and sometimes we just can't change that.

The fact that I've only got one gay friend (at least open) was a bit of a shock to him. He likes to hang out with his gay friends, but he was very happy to call himself my second gay friend. I think I also liked the sound of that. But we'll see how our encounter tomorrow will be. I'm honest, I'm not quite confortable with a gay friend on hospital grounds, but hey, like newspaper told me, don't make a fuss about it. It's not a big deal. Perhaps he's right.

Just a thought

2009-03-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

One of the last things he said to me, before we said goodbye was "I hope you can sleep well, not very shocked at least. I'm tired, I'm gonna go". I asked him why did he say that and he replied it was because of my silence, but brushed off any discussion on the subject because it was late.

I woke up thinking about this. I can't still be sure of how I feel or how he felts, I can add.

It was just a question of time...

2009-03-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

After a long conversation, full of weird moments, he said it to me. Obviously, I already knew it like you all know. But still, watching him writing it, made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

We just had a small conversation that subtly was about the gay issue, that he managed to change from other trivial subject. I even talked about my current family situation in it, and I think he managed to understand it.

"I think I'm a very discrete gay person", was his sentence that finally said it. But I didn't say anything, didn't join him or anything. I just kept the answers neutral, unemotional. I didn't feel very good with myself. 15 minutes before, he told me that even after I finish my time in that hospital, he wanted to continue friends with me, since I'm a cool guy. The moment he said that, I knew that this was the conversation unless I put an end to it. I didn't. How can I accept his friendship when I'm not even capable of the same trust he put in me?

Obviously he knows about me, but still he must be wondering why I didn't assumed a casual tone like him, choosing instead boring replies. How can I deserve his friendship, when I told him about me in a hidden (but obvious way) but still could't confront the issue directly like him? I know that this is the first time something like this happens to me, but still, I was expecting much more of me. I don't know what, but something else. And well, Monday I'll have to be with him personally.

Mike, Mike & Mike

2009-03-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

I never told this, but the intern has the same first name as me - Mike. This weekend he's all alone at home and I was wondering if I should ask him to do something tomorrow or so, but then I remembered that I may have some stuff scheduled. More details tomorrow.

But I had an interesting conversation with him. It seems he's an opera fan and regularly attends some shows with a friend of his, who also is Mike. Well, he asked if I ever attended a show. I said no, although I would like it very much. He immediately asked me to join him and the other Mike, so we could all go. I didn't gave him a definite answer since I'm a bit reluctant to disturb their "thing". However it seems that the other Mike invites friends of him, only intern Mike doesn't seem to have any opera appreciators in his group of friends.

Well, too much Mikes in this post. And I wonder how the other Mike may be. What if we have in common the three of us, not only the name but something else? Maybe he is the intern's newspaper guy. That would be funny.

Was this conversation really about the joke about the clothes?

2009-03-26T16:40:00.000-07:00

Intern: Deep down, I'm like this. I like to share my thoughts, whatever they are - in this a mean comment about someones clothes, because I know that you're like me.

Me:(Laugh) Maybe.

I: You are, I know you are.

Me: (Laughing)

I: But ok, you're being very defensive - (smile on his face). You can share anything with me, you know that right?

Me: Ok, ok, I'll try. Promise.

Long day ahead

2009-03-25T16:17:00.000-07:00

I'm on call tomorrow in the neonatology. I'm predicting it will be so boring. And I'll be all alone. No company. No interns.

Can't name it, seriously...

2009-03-24T15:58:00.000-07:00

Next!

2009-03-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

I won't tell the details but an awful moment happened this morning. Diapers and babies were involved. That's all I can say.

Update

2009-03-23T16:37:00.000-07:00

- I started today my neonatology rotation. I examined 5 newborns today, with just a few hours of life. Next two weeks, my days will be only dedicated to newborns.

- I had coffee today at the hospital with my group (that includes now the intern). Now he is alone in the department, since my group switched with another group. We talked about blogs and I was surprised to see the interest he has in this world.

- Some of you (as newspaper guy) asked me to give him a chance. The thing is, wouldn't that be worse for him? And for all I know, he may never tell anything.

Hot Angels

2009-03-22T10:26:00.001-07:00

Supernatural is getting back on track, after two episodes that weren't that interesting. Misha Collins helps, since I'm really into his role as Castiel, the angel. But the funny thing is how Sam is turning into the bad one (who had sex with a demon gal) and Dean the good one (because had sex with an angel gal). But the question is, which one was better? Now that's an interesting question...

"God has a plan for you Gaius"

2009-03-21T08:36:00.000-07:00

Number Six: Procreation is one of God’s commandments.

Gaius Baltar: Really? Well, I’m sure someday if you’re a good Cylon, he’ll reward you with a lovely little walking toaster of your very own.

Last week I recommended Battlestar Galactica to the intern. He's loving it and yesterday we talked about it. As I expected, Cylon Six caught his attention, but hey, we couldn't discuss Jamie Bamber aka Apollo, like two gay guys can. But later yesterday he sent me an e-mail:

"I'm so addicted to BSG. If there was a local version of BSG, Grace would be Cylon Six [Grace is a hot doctor on our department], and you would be Gaius Baltar, of course. And I, well, I could be Apollo! Maybe! Lol."

I actually laughed a lot, specially his desire to be Apollo (aka he loves Jamie Bamber), but I must say that if I had to play a role in tv show, I would love to be Gaius Baltar. Love the character. The way he seems always confused, manipulated by Six, how he can have those steamy thoughts during some crisis and managing to pull off some brilliant scientist idea, love it.

And more: I can't stop wondering what would be like to have a blond cylon hot guy as an hallucination...

Dinner... People... Saturday...

2009-03-21T08:31:00.001-07:00

It's seems I've been invited to a dinner tonight, hosted by roommate and his girlfriend. Honestly, I'm not really in the mood, but well, I can't see how to escape that.

Close the door

2009-03-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

The intern gave me a ride home today. As I entered his car and realized that we were really alone, I must confess that I was a bit nervous. Dunno, I guess I thought that it was possible for him to make a move on me and I honestly wouldn't know how to react to that. But he didn't. We just had a great trip and laughed a lot.

Clowns

2009-03-19T14:49:00.000-07:00

Two clowns were wondering in the pediatric ER to entertain the kids. As they were getting closer to me and the intern, I say to him: "I hate clowns! Always did!" (he laughs). "Why is that?", he asks. "Dunno, there's something about them that creeps me. Maybe it's just because they're not funny at all". Fortunately, I managed to escape before they caught me.

Just... that

2009-03-19T14:46:00.001-07:00

The pediatric ER was chaotic, as usual. A bit boring, but one interesting case. The intern had lunch with me and some other interns, but we laughed a lot. We really get along well together, always laughing and all. But he left one hour earlier, looking like he was having a really bad headache. Poor guy.

Is it the weather or what?

2009-03-18T16:03:00.000-07:00

I don't know, maybe it's just the arrival of spring but the fact is I'm noticing that I'm dying to get laid. I don't know how much long I'm gonna last, with so many good looking guys around.

Wait a second, was this a little too much to share in the blog? Well, I did receive an invitation from a hot guy who is gonna arrive next week to my town for 2 days and is looking for some action. Why not...

Maybe it's hormonal...

2009-03-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

Flight attendant dude may be cute, at least in pictures, but is boring with all that talk about how cute I am. Really boring. Never thought that a compliment could be a turn off, but well... Obviously, I'm not in one of my best days, clearly. And tomorrow, I'm on call with "the intern". That should be interesting....

And here it is...

2009-03-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

Mile High Club

MHC, it's now or never

2009-03-16T18:16:00.000-07:00

After several months of not meting anyone remotely interesting, today I met someone different. It remembered me the day I met newspaper guy, when I knew he was different. It's possible that I met someone similar. Or maybe it's just my fetish with a very cute flight attendant...

You guys know what MHC stand for, right? Just checking.

End of the day

2009-03-16T17:50:00.000-07:00

Went shopping for groceries today, I'm so tired. But I'm surrounded by so many tasty things. Love it.

How sexy is your profession?

2009-03-16T16:24:00.000-07:00

Male

Doctors
Firemen
Pilots
Athletes
Models

Female

Models
Dancers
Nurses
Flight attendants
Athletes

Source: Flirt

Tough decisions

2009-03-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

It's almost painful to write a post and not letting that cute guy stay in the water a while longer on the top of this blog. But hey, it's necessary...

Waiting for me?

2009-03-14T16:09:00.001-07:00

Afternoon

2009-03-14T16:06:00.000-07:00

Spent the entire afternoon cleaning my room. Now, I can't even recognize it. Well, at least now I can bring someone over here. Problem is, there's no one... Well, maybe someday.

Gran Torino

2009-03-13T17:05:00.000-07:00

Damn, damn and damn! Forget Langella, Penn or Rourke. Eastwood has a flawless and magnificent interpretation in this great movie. It's a masterpiece. Nothing more to say.

The intern

2009-03-13T15:55:00.000-07:00

Well, the thing about working on a big department like the pediatrics wing is that you are connecting with a lot of people. Doctors, interns, students, nurses, a bunch of people. Me and my colleagues usually hang with two interns, one year older than us.

Yesterday, it was my day of being on call in the pediatric ER along with one of the interns, so we had lunch together. He's a cool guy, 25 years old, kinda short, not a Brad Pitt but well, there's worse. We talked about a bunch of stuff and as time went by, I couldn't help to feel a gay vibe from him. No, he's not really my type, but the fact that I was receiving the intel was interesting.

At a certain time he started talking that he loved werewolves (yes, seriously). I laughed (well, yesterday I laughed a lot with him) when he went nuts, as I questioned him if he was into the Underworld series. "I already saw the last movie, it's great. The moment I saw those hordes of werewolves, I was like, Oh yes" he said with an expression of absolute delight. I must say that the idea of werewolves to me are always associated with very muscular men that suddenly take off their clothes to transform, so the way he described the scene, was so gay that I even blushed... Seriously. I think it was the first time ever, this happened. He was so into the conversation that he wouldn't notice how loud he was talking, in a bar full of people.

A while later we talked about tv shows, after we went for a cup of coffee (he insisted on paying) and he quickly recommended a british tv show (I don't recall the name, although the piece of paper he wrote is in my pants pocket) and that I should download an episode called "Gay", allegedly very funny. Our conversation continued, non-stop.

We started exchanging e-mails and cool tv shows and well, after one hour we finally went to the ER. On our way he quickly offered me a ride home. I thanked but told him it wasn't necessary, I would take a cab home. He insisted with me but I said that it would stay for next time.

Well, today we didn't talk much at the department. I had a lot of work to do anyway, but he did say that he was about to send me an e-mail with questions on somethings. Well, I'll wait.